The funny conversation and jokes thread, AKA: Dr Strangebloke, or, how I learned to stop worrying and love MSN Options

[Rellikki]

Hmm, I didn't notice you killing me Dave?

[D@V£]

Hmm, I didn't notice you killing me Dave?

That's probably because you turned into a mushroom afterwards... I don't remeber the exact details but it went something like this;

CODE

You: I shall murder someone!
Me: Not on my watch! >=( *Murders*
You: Oh noes! I have been murdered! Also Dave is really great! *turns into mushroom*

[JdB]

Are you sure you didn't just eat the mushroom D@V£?

[D@V£]

Are you sure you didn't just eat the mushroom D@V£?

Perhaps, but that doesn't explain what the Mushroom was doing there in the first place

[Rellikki]

Dave says:
Tell me Rellikki, why is it I always find myself surrouned by people called Jon!?

Rellikki says:
because we-... they want you to join them

Dave says:
Fair enough.
*murders everyone named John*

Rellikki says:

noooo!
*dies*
watch out, the eternity is also named john!

Dave says:
Time is non-linear. So I couldn't give a shit about enternity

Rellikki says:
your mom was named john!

Dave says:
No She wasn't!

Rellikki says:
yes she was!
and your dad too!
and your dog

Dave says:
My Dad's name is Harry
Why is it you think all tehse people are named John!?

Rellikki says:
because they are surrounding you

Dave says:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

[SaS TrooP]

LoL myahahahahaha.

U are using messenger?

[Blackbuck]

MSN

[SaS TrooP]

In fact, what is needed for MSN, cause its nice to finally keep contack with someboty form other country another way than Skype

[Blackbuck]

Click here.

[Toadball]

Andrew: Rach wasn' pleased 'bout me putting our little cow comment on a more international quote book
Archie: Cow? *checks quote book*
Andrew: Not that one you dolt, I've not been there since I re-setup my Bebo account.
Archie: You've been cheating on the quote book!

Scandalous!

Archie: I want food, but I can't be bothered getting dressed and going to the Co-op, It's a horrible black hole.
Andrew: Yes, Edinburgh is that, is it not ?
Archie: You speak of your capital, the pinacle of culture, the cutting edge of research, the jewel of Scotland!
Or as I call it "Little London".
Andrew: not saying much really is it
Archie: Not really. It's a bit grubby.
Andrew: yeah, get dusting!

Weegies: 1 Edinbuggers: 0

[D@V£]

CODE

Dave says:
I'm not going to lie to you Wittmann.

That time I was supposedly kissing your boots?
I was actually secretly eating your shoelaces.

Daniel     I would give my life to find it, I would give it all, Catch me if I fall says:
Im not going to lie to you.
I wore thongs. Those were my toes. Now I want them backl

Dave says:
Ok then. But I must warn you, they've been somewhat digested.

Daniel     I would give my life to find it, I would give it all, Catch me if I fall says:
Well. Damn
Oh and in my time has administrator I became head of a Sicialian gang.Im now Don Wittmann
We do racketeering, prostitutiona nd we've found fake EA games are the new crack cocaine

Dave says:
I thought your name was Daniel not Domineck!  
Heh... Domin'eck  

Dave says:
Wait, Fake EA games as in, games made by EA then having a popular labelbrand stuck on them to sell them more or EA games are aren't actually EA Games!?

Daniel     I would give my life to find it, I would give it all, Catch me if I fall says:
EA games that are not really EA games

Dave says:
I see

Daniel     I would give my life to find it, I would give it all, Catch me if I fall says:
see, crack cocaine dont sell well with kids, but all kids want the new EA game...
So this way we can combine the smuggling market with narcotics and gain a pirating edge. 21st century organised crime, y'know. Less going tot he mattresses, more money

Dave says:
But... why would anyone want to stick an EA Label on a game anyway? They aren't exactly pumping out much quality right now...

Daniel     I would give my life to find it, I would give it all, Catch me if I fall says:
Of course they dont
But look at the EA playerbase

Dave says:
I rather wouldn't, the nightmares were bad enough the first time  

Daniel     I would give my life to find it, I would give it all, Catch me if I fall says:
it isnt exactly quality. Its 14 year olds wihtout a life with a penchant for swearing rivalling a drunken French sailor on shore leave without a brothel in sight
Ahh but its explotation of those we hate most for profit without any care for the consequences. Its evil. Its despicable. Its explotation.
I love it

Dave says:
You've got me there.
BUT, you can't be Don unless you have a Daughter to marry off. To me  

Daniel     I would give my life to find it, I would give it all, Catch me if I fall says:
True, and I can refuse no favour on the day of my daughters wedding. Perhaps I should adopt a daughter and save time...

Dave says:
Yeah, that would save a bit of time  
It's also a great way of making money!  
Adopting daughters only to sell them off for business arrangements  
Jesus Christ, if half the monarchs back in the days were as smart as me we'd have World Peace by now

Daniel     I would give my life to find it, I would give it all, Catch me if I fall says:
...but technology is often at its greatest progression when the world is at war and profits in aerospace and defence industries skyrocket. So you should invest in majority shares in such enterprises and also technological advancement, and start a conventional world war, while sitting back in Jamaica watching the money pile up

Dave says:
Also I good point, and as a proprietor of SCIENCE I should do my duty to ensure that the world remains in a constant state of conflict!  
Of course, that'd be a bit messy, following my evolution I will delegate the task of killing each other to the Organics
With their reluctance to accept proper technological values and preference towards superstition they'll make excellent Pawns  
(Hur hur, international transhuman conspiracy)

Daniel     I would give my life to find it, I would give it all, Catch me if I fall says:
huzzah
Bring on the needless killing

Nothing to see here

[Toadball]

This is following Scorpy, Mark and I's discussion of Miss Crofts assets:

Mark: Hurray for Tits Arse and Turbos!
Andrew: Hurray for Tits arse and loose women! Wait, scorpy you researching this?
Mark: He analyzes and researches everything down to the material of his boxers / briefs
BlackScorpy: so? I hate artificial fibers
Mark: See!

[Toadball]

Myself and a mate from highschool discussing another guy from high school's facial hair....

Andrew: The one with the horny phalus bellow his bottom lip if we go for your revised version, which is probably apt for his personality
Archie: There we go. That makes sense. David's chin is a horny phallus, and it apparently has taken over his brain!
Andrew: nay, it is his brain, before he grew his facial hair he had yet to develop one, his phenotype is different to normal humans in that neural tissues only develop externally and in the shape of a horny phallus made of brambles sadly focused more so on sex than most males
Archie: Woah, ok, WAY too complicated a sentence for me to understand
Andrew: Fine, I'll simplfy it:
your idea: facial hair is evil monster taking over his brain shave it off cure the problem
mine: it is his brain and we'd be doing him a favour by removing it via shaving.
ultimate summary: he needs to shave
Archie:Shaving was what I was aiming for
Andrew: with what though i'm thinking machete or chainsaw, though a scythe would look cooler...
Archie: Katana has always been my weapon of choice
Andrew: stuff shaving, kill it with fire! get me my napalm
Archie: Napalm won't work, man. You need Holy Flames.
Andrew: ah ha! I get mine from the Evangelical arms corp!
Archie: I just hold a bottle under the Pope's crapper after he's had a Curry.
Andrew: that would be more holy shit not holy fire tbh
Archie: Yeah, but stick a wad of toilet paper soaked in holy water and light it? You basically get a Holy Fire Cocktail. The Benedict Special.
Andrew: Bah, you and your revolutionary weaponry
Archie: Seriously, I've heard that if you used one on America, it would sink.
Andrew:

[Blackbuck]

Mark says:
Acg

Dave says:
'eh?

Mark says:
Ach*

Dave says:
Ah.

Mark says:
Aye?

Dave says:
Aye.

Mark says:
'eh?

Dave says:
Aye.

Mark says:
Och aye

Dave says:
Why aye man.

Mark says:
Aye aye skipper!

Dave says:
Aye Cap'n.

Mark says:
Sir iceberg sighted off the port bow!

Dave says:
Fire Torpedoes!

Mark says:
Aye Cap'n

Mark says:
thats going to .info thread

Dave says:
Not if I can help it :

Dave says:
Wait, you post it

I've no idea how that started

[Deadeye]

Sounds like typical conversation between me and x-ray (only in german)

[Blackbuck]

I blame those things that have boobs for it. Bad influence

[Deadeye]

I blame those things that have boobs for it. Bad influence

Say what?

[Blackbuck]

*Gouges eyes out* Yes (the ones I know at least) are bad influences especially the one I have my eye on *glares down the street* But back to the world of funny conversations.

I smell burning ozone btw...

[Toadball]

No Mark, your just thinking to much...

[Gunslinger]

Bob is driving too fast down the highway when he is pulled over, by a motorcycle officer.

Officer: Why are you driving so fast? sir.

Bob: well i have a hand gun in my under my seat and my dead wife is in the trunk.

Officer: Ok can i have you step out of the car.

the Officer hand cuffs bob and calls for backup.

Backup: what the problem?

Officer: this man has a gun under his seat and his wife is in the trunk.

the Officer and Backup search and find nothing they go to talk to bob.

Backup: what is the meaning of this. the officer says you had a gun in your car and a body in your trunk.

Bob: ya next he'll try in tell you i was speeding.