The funny conversation and jokes thread, AKA: Dr Strangebloke, or, how I learned to stop worrying and love MSN Options

[pMASTER]

Once more G-B.org

<DerCorny> Elena, you're annoying me! STFU, okay?
<Elena> Oh...come on
<DerCorny> I mean business! I'm not in the mood for this!
<Elena> Oh come on...You can't...!
<DerCorny> Listen you bitch: If you really want to write one more word about this topic I'm going to kick and ban you!
<Elena> Brb, I have to call someone...
<DerCorny> Great, finally she is away. For once it is a good thing that she is on the phone a lot!
<DerCorny> Damn, now I need new coffee.
<Hedikins> Hehe!
<DerCorny> She can't be serious!!!
* DerCorny sets mode +b *!*redflower@*.dip0.t-ipconnect.de * Elena has been kicked by DerCorny (DerCorny)
<Hedikins> WTF?
<Hedikins> What was the point of that? She was totally quiet wasn't she?
<DerCorny> Oh yes? Guess whose phone was ringing right now!

<Gamma> *MUAH* Once more I've broken a girl's heart.
<Campfire> So?
<Gamma> Have been dating Alexandra for two weeks....
<Gamma> Well, I did date her.
<Gamma> Last night I royally banged her...
<Campfire> 0_o
<Gamma> At the morning I said to her: We had a nice time, but now I'm packing! Adios!
<Campfire>...Do you know that I am her brother?
<Gamma> OMFG!!!!
<Campfire> You stupid asshole. If I was you I'd be running away now.
<Gamma> ANDI, NO f*ck! THAT WAS A JOKE!!
<Campfire> Your dick will be a joke, asshole!
<Campfire> See you in a bit...

[Rellikki]

Rellikki says:
STOP RIGHT THERE!
get me a french guy

Dave says:
'kay

Rellikki says:
and serve him to me right here on this conversation

Dave says:
I'm sorry, but we just gave away our last french guy.

Rellikki says:
you don't understand...
when i tell you to get me a french guy, you will get me one.

Dave says:
No, you don't understand
I'M BRIAN BLESSED
HELLO

Rellikki says:
hello, who is this?

Dave says:
I'M BRIAN BLESSED. HELLO!

Rellikki says:
hello
get me a french guy

Dave says:
No, YOU get ME a French guy, or else I will destory...
Your Mother

Rellikki says:
you don't understand...
when you'll destroy my mother
you'll destroy her.

Dave says:
No, I think I understood that bit pretty well.
That's kind of what I had in mind...

Rellikki says:
mind this
*takes a dump into dave's mouth*

Dave says:
I don't have a mouth.

Rellikki says:
*drills a mouth on dave*

Dave says:
In fact, I don't exist at all
So I don't know who your ravenging there, but I'd advise against it, they might be a machosist.

Rellikki says:
bastards..
oh, there's my french guy
farewell mr. dumpy mouth.

A few seconds later...

NOOO, HE'S GONE

Dave says:
Ha!
And that's what happens when you try to LASER me

Rellikki says:
im sorry? i didn't try to laser you
i do not have a laser
however, my gun does:
*lasers dave*

Dave says:
Now you shall pay the piper
As your punishment
You must catalogue every difference between the tracks aa_death_theme_ii and aa_death_II

Rellikki says:
yes. the volume of the intro is different
and many other things that i don't know how to explain
THERE.

Dave says:
Curse you and your limited vocabulary!

Rellikki says:

[Ryan_D]

Ryan(H) says:
today, or yesterday, i woke up it was 9am, then i woke up again at midday :-O
Ryan(H) says:
ok, i didn't make much sense there
Imy(squad_e) says:
lol
Imy(squad_e) says:
today i woke up, to see if i could wake up
Ryan(H) says:
lol
Ryan(H) says:
one time i woke up so i could go back to bed! :-O
Imy(squad_e) says:
:-O
Imy(squad_e) says:
i went to sleep, to see if i could sleep till the morning i wake up
Ryan(H) says:

Ryan(H) says:
yeah, well... once i went to bed, and i never woke up
Imy(squad_e) says:
still looks it too
Ryan(H) says:
i have told the furture, for i am about to go to bed! :-O

[D@V£]

I just got this in an Email;

In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, with green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Dairy Ice Cream and Magnums. And Satan said, 'You want hot fudge with that? And Man said, 'Yes!' And Woman said, 'I'll have one too with chocolate chips'. And lo they gained 10 pounds.

And God created the healthy yoghurt that woman might keep the figure that man found so fair.

And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 12 to size 14.

So God said, 'Try my fresh green salad'. And Satan presented Blue Cheese dressing and garlic croutons on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said 'I have sent you healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them'.

And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut king prawns, butter-dipped lobster chunks and chicken fried steak, so big it needed its own platter, and Man's cholesterol went through the roof.

Then God brought forth the potato; naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition.

Then Satan peeled off the healthy skin and sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep-fried them in animal fats adding copious quantities of salt. And Man put on more pounds. God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose those extra pounds.

And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits.

Then God gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.

And Satan created McDonalds and the 99p double cheeseburger. Then Satan said 'You want fries with that?' and Man replied, 'Yes, and super size 'em'. And Satan said, 'It is good.' And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed ......... and created quadruple by-pass surgery.

And then ............ Satan chuckled and created the National Health Service.

[pMASTER]

Scary...

Time for another hilarious quote from G-B.org

<Nimm> Hey, Harald, don't you think you've forgotten something when you came to me for your cds?
<Horaz> I think I've got everything with me...Cigaretts, keys, my money, my jacket - What do you mean?
<Nimm> Hmmm, how about your daughter?
<Horaz>... Shit I'm on my way!!!! Sorry, dude!
<Nimm> No problem...

[Blackscorpion]

I think they're on to us... Man, you got to play the triangle solo, otherwise we might have to ROCK it!

(After playing a Hendrixque guitar jam solo)

I'm a drummer.

[Blackbuck]

Dave says:
Checking forums.
Dave says:

Dave says:
You bastard!

[JdB]

Deadeye: wow HH is already busy...
JdB: I know, I am guiding him
JdB: I shall call him....MINI-ME!
Deadeye: I know, collecting allies for the revolution eh ?
JdB: yup

For more information on The Revolution, please PM D@V£.

[Blackbuck]

Mark - The Demure Chibi. says:
http://i90.photobucket.com/albums/k278/mez...nvite3small.jpg suggestive image ^^
Dave says:
Porn Disco?
Dave says:
What a wonderous age we live in
Mark - The Demure Chibi. says:
We should go lol
Mark - The Demure Chibi. says:
you can be the ho

Oh my.

[Rellikki]

Some really weird Iraqi kid contacted me some time ago... Said that he found my MSN address from google. Here's one conversation I just had with him:

Murtada says:
i speake with you and u listen to a music

Rellikki says:
yes..

Murtada says:
hahahahah

Rellikki says:
what?

Murtada says:
hahahaha=lol
=laugh

Rellikki says:
i know
but why are you laughing?

Murtada says:
i laugh cause
i speak and u listen to a music

Rellikki says:
um, yeah
what about it?

*Murtada has signed off*

wut? WUT?!

[pMASTER]

No, it is actually WAT nowadays.

[Rellikki]

Damnit... and I even failed understanding that Murtada guy... *suicide*

[D@V£]

WARNING. This conversation contains graphical scenes of "serjery" from the outset. You have been warned.

Dave says:
Kali Mar?

Rellikki says:
no

Dave says:
KALI MAR!
*removes [Rellikki's] Heart*

Rellikki says:
i do not have a heart

because you just removed it

Dave says:
Exactly!
Now, I shall replace it with this handily placed hammer.
PREPARE FOR THE OPERATION!

Rellikki says:
ok

*opens his chest wide open*

let's do it

Dave says:
'kay.

*Throws hammer into hole*

now, let's close you up!
Except... I just threw the hammer I use to do into the hole in your chest. So... I'll have to use a hacksaw.

*saw saw saw*

There
Good as new.

Rellikki says:
i have this weird feeling...
to do..

HAMMER TIME

Dave says:
There's only one known cure.
We must transplant this conversation into the funny conversations thread.

Rellikki says:
yes
you do it.

This post has been edited by D@V£: Jul 2 2008, 22:18

[pMASTER]

Thank you for stealing 30 seconds of my I could have spent elsewhere.

[D@V£]

Thank you for stealing 30 seconds of my I could have spent elsewhere.

Better to look at it this way:
I took 30 seconds of your life which you could have spent on DRUGS!

Now who's the hero?

This post has been edited by D@V£: Jul 3 2008, 14:21

[Deadeye]

Now who's the hero?

Chuck Norris?

@Conversation : Go to the doctors...both of you

[pMASTER]

Better to look at it this way:
I took 30 seconds of your life which you could have spent on DRUGS!

Now who's the hero?

You are no hero, unless I would take drugs. Since I do not....

[pMASTER]

Dave sagt (21:47):
I bet this all the rest of Germany's fault!
With their Lederhosen-less legs

pMASTER sagt (21:47):
Beyond all doubts you'll be right in end.

Dave sagt (21:47):
I'm always right. It's this special gift I have
Whenever I say something it becomes true.

pMASTER sagt (21:48):
Regardless of the actual topic, Lederhosen are always a pretty good argument.

Dave sagt (21:48):
Why should we nuke China?
Lederhosen.

pMASTER sagt (21:48):
Oh really, all what you say becomes true in the end? Now I shall make you say "pMASTER will become a millionaire one day".

pMASTER sagt (21:48):
DO IT.

pMASTER sagt (21:49):
God shave the queen? Why? - Lederhosen.

Dave sagt (21:49):
pMaster will become a millionaire one day.

pMASTER sagt (21:50):
I guess you've added a whispered "His last day", you stinking liar!

Dave sagt (21:50):
No. I just specified how you'd get the money ^^

Dave sagt (21:51):
Have fun with that

pMASTER sagt (21:51):
By deceasing and getting a life insurance paid out?

Dave sagt (21:51):
You really think I'm that tame?

pMASTER sagt (21:51):
So?

Dave sagt (21:51):
I'll give you a clue:

pMASTER sagt (21:51):
Romania.

pMASTER sagt (21:51):
I knew it.

pMASTER sagt (21:51):
You bastard.

Dave sagt (21:51):
Hats.

pMASTER sagt (21:51):
...Wat.

Dave sagt (21:51):
You'll see.

pMASTER sagt (21:52):
Oh geez, don't keep me in suspense.

Dave sagt (21:52):
BUT IT'S FUN!

Dave sagt (21:52):
Mwahah hahaha!

pMASTER sagt (21:52):
Well then I shall remain in agony..

Dave sagt (21:53):
Not as much as your going to have to go through.

What is it what he is he plotting?

[DaRat]

Hatsecks.

[D@V£]

Hatsecks.

Maybe if I was feeling kind.

Unfortunately I was stripped of all positive emotion in a freak accident involving 2 cows, a blender, the Kingdom of Denmark and a Jetski.