The funny conversation and jokes thread, AKA: Dr Strangebloke, or, how I learned to stop worrying and love MSN |
The funny conversation and jokes thread, AKA: Dr Strangebloke, or, how I learned to stop worrying and love MSN |
May 8 2008, 18:23
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#201
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Gee, I wish we had one of them doomsday machines. Group: Moderators Posts: 2,037 Joined: 13-November 06 From: Wales Member No.: 155 |
This thread is dying! It cannot be!
Ok, so here's a joke; QUOTE The American, French and Russian Intelligence services are challenged to find a Rabbit in a forest. First, the American's attempt it. They place animal informants across the woods, and set up a sophisticated satellite surveillance system. After two weeks they conclude rabbits do not exist. Next, the French make an attempt. They storm the woods with a large group in search of the rabbit. After two weeks they find nothing, and burn the entire forest down just in case. Finally, the Russians have a go. They send a small group into the forest. After two hours they drag out a beaten bear, who screams "I'm a Rabbit! I'm a Rabbit!" And now, the usual drunk jokes! QUOTE What's an activity enjoyed by 4 out of 5 people? Gang Rape (caution, sexual reference) QUOTE How do you stop a baby crying? Take it's leg out of the blender QUOTE What's pink and orange and sits at the bottom of a swimming pool? A baby with punctured armbands! What's Blue, Fuzzy and floats on the top of a swimming pool? The same baby 3 weeks later Ah... I'm going to hell And, finally, this is apparently a true story! (Wittmann found it funny, so you'd better too! ) QUOTE This guy was getting married to a girl, and knew her family pretty well. The member who he was most interested in, was, undoubtedly, her younger sister.
The day before they were to be married, he was at her house alone with the sister, when the sister admitted that she secretly loves him. Anyway, after a bit of a talk the sister suggests he have sex with her. At which point, he promptly leaves the room and goes outside. Where he finds his future father-in-law, who congratulates him that he passed the past, and hopes him plenty of happiness with his future wife. The moral of the story? Always keep your condoms in the car! -------------------- The Rules - Nothing too complicated, follow these and we'll have no problems.
Moderation Feedback Thread - Tell everyone how much you Site Issues Thread - Complain about site issues here. We might even fix them! Community Chatter Thread - Furthest Mud-sling gets a free subscription to "JdB Monthly". QUOTE(Major Mike Shearer) We can categorically state that we have not released man-eating badgers into the area. QUOTE(Brace Belden) A machine gun is like a woman, I don’t understand it, I’m afraid of it, and one day I’ll accidentally be killed by one. |
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May 9 2008, 23:28
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#202
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Group: Addon Maker Posts: 1,148 Joined: 4-November 06 Member No.: 13 |
QUOTE Rellikki says: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHg5SJYRHA0 Dave says: f*cker! Rellikki says: tehehehe Dave says: I shall destroy you for this! Dave Rick Roll'd And something else: QUOTE Rellikki says:
i just took a dump in a shopping bag whacha gonna do about that? :@ Dave says: Nothing. Rellikki says: oh i wouldn't be so sure :@ *puts dave's head in the bag* Dave says: How did you get my head? I've been looking for that for ages :@ Rellikki says: i bought it from the store where i got the bag too Dave says: Ah... Makes sense I guess. Rellikki says: now :@ smell this. *closes the bag* Dave says: Smells like... Teen Spirit Rellikki says: oh i wouldn't be so sure :@ *throws a dead cat in the bag too* Dave says: Well, now it smells like victory :-O Rellikki says: you mean napalm? :@ napalm smells like victory Dave says: Yeah. Rellikki says: ok :@ Dave says: Thassah stuff Rellikki says: but i think napalm smells like charlies' blood :@ if it smells like napalm in the bag... there must be charlies in there! :@ Dave says: :-O Rellikki says: *shoots with an MG* it also means that we're all gonna BUUUUUUUUUUURN AAAAH IM ON FIREEE :@ Dave says: Yeah, that usually happens with napalm... Rellikki says: quick! :@ use your fire extinquisher arms to put out the napalm fire slam the fire on it's damned head! :@ Dave says: My arms aren't fire extinquishers... they're fire! Rellikki says: then use the dead cat! :@ Dave says: 'kay! :-O *uses dead cat on fire* Rellikki says: fried cat? :@ yes please. *eats* Dave says: :-O My lunch! Rellikki says: forget about your lunch :@ Dave says: 'kay :-( Rellikki says: we need to put out the fire! use the shit :@ Dave says: But the shit is flammable! Or is it inflammable... I get the two mixed up... Rellikki says: use the bag then! :@ Dave says: *uses the bag* Rellikki says: *chokes with the bag on his head* :@ |
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May 10 2008, 02:46
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#203
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ArmA.info Sarcasm Society's Slightly Mad Scotsman Group: Former .info Serviceman Posts: 718 Joined: 28-September 07 From: Glasgow, UK Member No.: 1,331 |
I once defended the notion of the possibility of sane life in these forums...
-------------------- Never before in the history of man, was so much buggered up by so few.
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May 15 2008, 21:24
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#204
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ArmA.info Sarcasm Society's Rifleman-in-Charge Group: Members Posts: 266 Joined: 23-November 06 From: Manchester of the North, FI Member No.: 270 |
QUOTE (BlackScorpion @ June 18 2006,13:11) Sorry to ask you for this, but noticed your rather nice looking pic in the Combat Photography thread. In which download, exactly, is the Vilas weapons pack featured? Although not maybe the highest quality (well, wouldn't know), it seems to have some nice, previously unreleased weapons? :hlp: (helping_hand @ June 18 2006,16:22) Vilas's Pack I Dont Think Is Featured With Anything Except His Own Addons Vilas Dwnld Ooooh, the memories... adapted from BIS PM system. -------------------- Hakkaa päälle Pohjan poika!
Words were coming out of my fingertips faster than my thoughts could process them in my brains... My plead is for temporary insanity that was caused by permanent insanity of very, very twisted nerve cluster that's called brain matter, that's supposed to be grey but isn't, it's black and has a somewhat sarcastic and dark sense of humor, or lacks it totally. The self-appointed God of Scor Nango. Not an emperor, just... God. |
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May 15 2008, 23:12
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#205
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ArmA.info Sarcasm Society's Appointed Olivia Wilde Stalker Group: Moderators Posts: 1,482 Joined: 12-November 06 From: United Kingdom Member No.: 113 |
/ What the Heckler and Koch?
-------------------- -------------------- Heed my words or risk being beaten with a stick then fed to my associate D@V£ The Rules - Most places have rules, these are ours Read them! Moderation Feedback Thread - Let everyone know how much you don't like D@V£ -------------------- |
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May 15 2008, 23:45
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#206
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Gee, I wish we had one of them doomsday machines. Group: Moderators Posts: 2,037 Joined: 13-November 06 From: Wales Member No.: 155 |
I call PM necromancy.
-------------------- The Rules - Nothing too complicated, follow these and we'll have no problems.
Moderation Feedback Thread - Tell everyone how much you Site Issues Thread - Complain about site issues here. We might even fix them! Community Chatter Thread - Furthest Mud-sling gets a free subscription to "JdB Monthly". QUOTE(Major Mike Shearer) We can categorically state that we have not released man-eating badgers into the area. QUOTE(Brace Belden) A machine gun is like a woman, I don’t understand it, I’m afraid of it, and one day I’ll accidentally be killed by one. |
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May 16 2008, 15:24
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#207
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ArmA.info Sarcasm Society's Gentleman Usher of the Banstick Group: Former .info Serviceman Posts: 1,781 Joined: 1-November 06 From: Old-Europe Member No.: 11 |
The first PM I ever received was from brataccas
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May 16 2008, 16:31
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#208
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Hipster addonmaker Group: Former .info Serviceman Posts: 2,090 Joined: 1-November 06 From: Kingdom of the Netherlands Member No.: 10 |
The first PM I ever received was from brataccas Like I would even remember... I got well over 400 PM's in 6+ years. The oldest one that I still have on the OFP.info forums was sent by the almighty Duck of Death, and the oldest one that I still have that I sent was to the insane Solidus Tiger. The first forum that I signed up to was the old Marss911 forum, so probably the first PM I ever received was by Marcel, Blue Parrot (later Gandalf The White), WarriorEagle, DiabloTerror or one other guy whose name I forgot... -------------------- |
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May 16 2008, 18:17
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#209
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ArmA.info Sarcasm Society's Rifleman-in-Charge Group: Members Posts: 266 Joined: 23-November 06 From: Manchester of the North, FI Member No.: 270 |
Oldest BIS one dates back to 2005... I'm guessing that the oldest PMs I'd have would be from now-deceased Il2Skins and my first HGs forum account.
-------------------- Hakkaa päälle Pohjan poika!
Words were coming out of my fingertips faster than my thoughts could process them in my brains... My plead is for temporary insanity that was caused by permanent insanity of very, very twisted nerve cluster that's called brain matter, that's supposed to be grey but isn't, it's black and has a somewhat sarcastic and dark sense of humor, or lacks it totally. The self-appointed God of Scor Nango. Not an emperor, just... God. |
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May 16 2008, 19:02
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#210
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ArmA.info Sarcasm Society's Slightly Mad Scotsman Group: Former .info Serviceman Posts: 718 Joined: 28-September 07 From: Glasgow, UK Member No.: 1,331 |
If we're reminising about oldest PM's mine'd be the archives department or personell department CO of NRN complimenting some work i'd done the previous week. Did more work as a recruit than as a comissioned officer there
-------------------- Never before in the history of man, was so much buggered up by so few.
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May 18 2008, 00:38
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#211
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Hipster addonmaker Group: Former .info Serviceman Posts: 2,090 Joined: 1-November 06 From: Kingdom of the Netherlands Member No.: 10 |
QUOTE Deadeye: you know what ucks the most...I need to build a stuate till monday... (lost a bet) JdB: stuate??? Deadeye: *statue JdB: made of what? Deadeye: wood JdB: ...right Deadeye: remeind me to upload pics ! Deadeye: I'll buold it now ! JdB: while drunk? that doesn't sound like a good idea... Deadeye: It does indeed! Deadeye: and if one line of this conversation ends in the qoute thrad you get Pred for 72 hours ! Deadeye: (is it worth it?) JdB: not yet, not shocking enough JdB: if I quote you, it will be something that ruins your reputation for ever, so the PR won't matter Deadeye: if I'd get more shocking I'd have to lie JdB: oh, rather disappointing JdB: well, I could of course falsely quote that the statue needs to be a representation of your own wiener, but that you couldn't find a block of wood smaller than 3cm Deadeye: 48 PR JdB: meh, I won't settle for anything less than 72 A statue made of wood, well what else would you expect -------------------- |
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May 18 2008, 00:40
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#212
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Gee, I wish we had one of them doomsday machines. Group: Moderators Posts: 2,037 Joined: 13-November 06 From: Wales Member No.: 155 |
Drunken Admins! What fun!
QUOTE Dave says:
I can give you my Home Phone, but you won't be able to call me on it until I get back from university But first, first you must do me a favour... yes? deadeye5@gmx.de (E-mail address not verified) says: what Dave says: IP Ban a list of people who I feel the community would be better off without deadeye5@gmx.de (E-mail address not verified) says: no can't do that Dave says: What if I took JdB off the list? -------------------- The Rules - Nothing too complicated, follow these and we'll have no problems.
Moderation Feedback Thread - Tell everyone how much you Site Issues Thread - Complain about site issues here. We might even fix them! Community Chatter Thread - Furthest Mud-sling gets a free subscription to "JdB Monthly". QUOTE(Major Mike Shearer) We can categorically state that we have not released man-eating badgers into the area. QUOTE(Brace Belden) A machine gun is like a woman, I don’t understand it, I’m afraid of it, and one day I’ll accidentally be killed by one. |
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May 18 2008, 01:17
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#213
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ArmA.info Sarcasm Society's Gentleman Usher of the Banstick Group: Former .info Serviceman Posts: 1,781 Joined: 1-November 06 From: Old-Europe Member No.: 11 |
Deadeye has never talked to these fellas! -------------------- |
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May 18 2008, 02:05
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#214
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Gee, I wish we had one of them doomsday machines. Group: Moderators Posts: 2,037 Joined: 13-November 06 From: Wales Member No.: 155 |
We replaced this man's regular coffee with the strange feeling something is always wrong:
QUOTE Dave says:
BI released a new video of ArmA2! http://youtube.com/watch?v=eBGIQ7ZuuiU Rellikki says: you bastard -------------------- The Rules - Nothing too complicated, follow these and we'll have no problems.
Moderation Feedback Thread - Tell everyone how much you Site Issues Thread - Complain about site issues here. We might even fix them! Community Chatter Thread - Furthest Mud-sling gets a free subscription to "JdB Monthly". QUOTE(Major Mike Shearer) We can categorically state that we have not released man-eating badgers into the area. QUOTE(Brace Belden) A machine gun is like a woman, I don’t understand it, I’m afraid of it, and one day I’ll accidentally be killed by one. |
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May 24 2008, 16:45
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#215
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Hipster addonmaker Group: Former .info Serviceman Posts: 2,090 Joined: 1-November 06 From: Kingdom of the Netherlands Member No.: 10 |
"Stupid/Funny community conversations or sentences" and "Jokes thread" threads merged, renamed and pinned.
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May 24 2008, 18:35
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#216
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Gee, I wish we had one of them doomsday machines. Group: Moderators Posts: 2,037 Joined: 13-November 06 From: Wales Member No.: 155 |
Some things never change
QUOTE Dave says:
Check out the teaser trailer for my MDU project! http://youtube.com/watch?v=eBGIQ7ZuuiU Rellikki says: -------------------- The Rules - Nothing too complicated, follow these and we'll have no problems.
Moderation Feedback Thread - Tell everyone how much you Site Issues Thread - Complain about site issues here. We might even fix them! Community Chatter Thread - Furthest Mud-sling gets a free subscription to "JdB Monthly". QUOTE(Major Mike Shearer) We can categorically state that we have not released man-eating badgers into the area. QUOTE(Brace Belden) A machine gun is like a woman, I don’t understand it, I’m afraid of it, and one day I’ll accidentally be killed by one. |
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May 28 2008, 19:53
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#217
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Gee, I wish we had one of them doomsday machines. Group: Moderators Posts: 2,037 Joined: 13-November 06 From: Wales Member No.: 155 |
Apologies for the double post, but it has been more than 2 days...
QUOTE Dave says:
You know, if Hiliary wins then US politics will become like Ping-Pong! Bush/Clinton/Bush/Clinton/Bush/Clinton/Bush/Clinton... you see where I'm going with this, right? Joakim says: no because after a 2nd term you cannot run for president again Dave says: George Bush isn't the same George Bush before Clinton, was he? Joakim says: yes yes Dave says: And Hilliary Clinton ain't Bill Clinton (although, I sometimes wonder... ) Joakim says: George Sr/bill/george jr/hillary but no more Dave says: Are you kidding me? If Hillairy gets in for two terms, well [Bush's] daughter will be old enough to stand then. I think I can say with no doubt in my mind, that Dubya won't be the last president Bush. Unless the nature of government in the United States changes drastically. Joakim says: Ahnold for prez? Dave says: Probabley I mean, Reagan got in... *Images the future* "Tear down zis vall Skynet!" Joakim says: hahaahaah -------------------- The Rules - Nothing too complicated, follow these and we'll have no problems.
Moderation Feedback Thread - Tell everyone how much you Site Issues Thread - Complain about site issues here. We might even fix them! Community Chatter Thread - Furthest Mud-sling gets a free subscription to "JdB Monthly". QUOTE(Major Mike Shearer) We can categorically state that we have not released man-eating badgers into the area. QUOTE(Brace Belden) A machine gun is like a woman, I don’t understand it, I’m afraid of it, and one day I’ll accidentally be killed by one. |
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May 28 2008, 21:49
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#218
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Group: Addon Maker Posts: 1,148 Joined: 4-November 06 Member No.: 13 |
QUOTE Rellikki says:
some day i sell DNA and you won't stop me Dave says: Heh... you're using this thread against me are you? Well, you can't stop me, you can't! I'm too inebriated to be stopped. Scientific fact that is, Rellikki says: ? it doesn't matter because you can't stop ME Dave says: Maybe no man can stop you... but... SCIENCE can stop you! TO THE LAB! *Dun-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-naaaah* Rellikki says: not so fast for i am a scientist! Dave says: Rellikki says: scientists are immune to science used in offensive way Dave says: But are you a mad scientist? Rellikki says: no. i am an INSANE scientist Dave says: OHSHIT! *explodes* |
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May 29 2008, 02:55
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#219
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ArmA.info Sarcasm Society's Mr. Argentina 2012 Group: Newshound Posts: 498 Joined: 20-October 07 From: Argentina Member No.: 1,502 |
Jua
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May 30 2008, 02:16
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#220
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~Established April, 2004~ Group: Former .info Serviceman Posts: 800 Joined: 12-November 06 From: Sussex, England Member No.: 34 |
Note, the next person to post is officially gay. Thank you for your co-operation.
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