.Info Factbook, The Ins & Outs of .Info Options

[JdB]

.Info Factbook

This site has had many great people on it's staff, and some dicks like [Edit by Cervo: I told you never to talk about that weasel BITCH!], some tyrannical overlords, as well as pussies on it's moderating team (not that you newbies would remember, most of you didn't even register or get more than 1 whining post on the OFP.Info forums, and your mommy probably had to type that out for you as well), but here are some of the lesser known facts about .Info.

Did you know that:

Site & Team:
-The old OFP.Info site is hosted at htp://crashbox13.amazing13yearold.bis/ofp13, explaining (almost) all of the crashes it has had over the years;
-The OFP.Info site is run on a modified build of Windows 3.11 (explains the unexplained crashes)
-We have a code-guru named Ovrec, who is only in contact with us when Cervo's mailbox has received an even buggier new version of the site-code. Though we've never been able to prove this, we suspect this Ovrec is also responsible for the majority of code in ArmA 1.0, the words "//Ovrec was here" appear exactly 666 times in ArmA 1.0's code, exactly mimicking the number of fatal bugs in that build. Still it could have been put there by people who hate .Info, like [Edit by Cervo: SHUT THE HELL UP].de;
-Interviews with several well known addonmakers went horribly wrong after they refused to give us a DNA sample so we could clone them to work on our [Edit by Maruk: remember you signed 257 NDA's, you're not allowed to talk about that to anyone except your friends, provided they have plenty of friends to leak that information to] project, these addonmakers left the community soon after their product ID was banned by BIS (Bulimia Interfactive Stooges);
-Most of the .Info team is now working on OFP2 under a false identity;
-.Info wasn't always this rich. In the past we had this [Edit by Cervo: Don't go there babe (k)];
-We're the only company in the world never to have been approached by Google for a sell-out, if they ever do, we will buy them out and use their servers to host OFP2, the real successor to OFP;
-Microsoft is afraid of us, and has gone to the extreme step of blocking all .Info links in it's Connection Timeout-Messenger 13.0;
-.Info was founded in 1945 as a side-branch of the CIA. We're happy to report that we've since left them, and have started our own network of terror. Btw Hi guys! *waves at ECHELON team* ;
-The phrase "All your base are belong to us" was invented by 2 former team members. Sadly due to their inability to speak perfect English back then, this version of the phrase became infamous when we sent it to the US government demanding that they turn over all of their bases around the world to us. On a calm site-day, we like to play a game of Scud Attack 3 at Cheyenne Mountain;

Unspoken horrors:
-Old Bear is not really Rewan's father, but one of our secret agents;
-Cervo served in the French Foreign Legion. His bad French is just an act, since Frenchmen cannot join the Legion;
-Agents are handpicked and put through a rigorous selection procedure. We cannot at this time acknowledge or deny that this procedure involves laying an egg of more than 25cm in diameter;
-NeMeSiS and CSJ had the nerves to not instantly agree with the former tyrannical overlord JdB's suggestions for the forums. We have not heard from them since that day;
-We still don't know who hired Da Rat, or how he got "Site Team" privileges;
-Rewan only got his privileges so we could keep track of him. Since this was no longer necessary after we had implanted a rectal mind-probe, he was removed from the "Site Team" group;

Our fans & Promotional activities:
-Many celebrities support and visit .Info, including Jessica Alba, Elisha Cuthbert and Natalie Portman. We could tell you their nicknames on the forums, but then we'd risk losing them, and being stuck with you, which is of course not our greatest desire. Also note that no male celebrities were mentioned, we have enough horny male teenagers running around here as it is;
-Most of these hotties have worn "I support .Info" T-shirts, but sadly hardly anyone has noticed them due to their other "talents", not that we mind of course;

The final shocks:
-Witty is trisexual; (EDIT: You weren't supposed to mention the third. Our relationship is best kept hidden lest the people who want to study you, find you, JdB. You dont exactly look or act human at times...but I love you none the less - Witty)
-Homer is cheeky;
-This site will be going down as of August 25th 2007, and will be replaced by an Afro-Midget-Preteen multimedia spectacle.

[/forum]

Reason for edit: SHITS AND GIGGLES

[Blackbuck]

Did you also know that MSN blocks Armedassault.info links?

[Avalla'ch]

Cervo from Toulouse was in Legion?

[BigglesTrevor]

-NeMeSiS and CSJ had the nerves to not instantly agree with the former tyrannical overlord JdB's suggestions for the forums. We have not heard from them since that day;

good one

[pMASTER]

-Witty is trisexual;

Women, men and planes?

-Homer is cheeky;

How badly have I missed this one!

[JdB]

Cervo from Toulouse was in Legion?

He sure was. On cold moonless nights, the instructors still huddle together in their underwear, and tell the tale of the "Ghost of Africa", the greatest Legionaire that has ever lived. Of course because Cervo would like to remain anonymous he asked me never to tell anyone about his past since he has many enemies that he's finally been able to convince after a 5 year long wild-goose chase that he died in the Legion's infamous "Meatball Incident", where some rookie chef from Belgium forgot to check the expirationdates thereby giving half the people on the base food-poisoning. The pain was so severe that most victims killed themselves in an attempt to make the pain go away...oh dear...sorry...

[Elliot Carver]

Rofl dude 100% funniest thing to be posted this year

You forgot .infos planned 2008 manned mission to Mars and the fact that Jonathan Pryce visits here every day! Of course the one final shock that didnt get mentioned of finding JdB and Cervo together in the Admin CP ... Homer never recovered from that sight.

[JdB]

Of course the one final shock that didnt get mentioned of finding JdB and Cervo together in the Admin CP ... Homer never recovered from that sight.

The purpose was to post little known facts. I wouldn't exactly call my special relationship with Cervo "little known", it's pretty much common knowledge. Wikipedia is even going to include it on their page "Greatest lovestories of all time".

Also Jonathan Pryce sucks, he tried to vandalize one of our real celebrities (anyone without a wee wee), so we had to resort to giving shock-therapy to his balls with a 50.000 volt taser.

The 2008 Mission To Mars has been postponed due to problems with the fuel-supply. We had planned to use 30.000 gallons of premium Vodka, but oddly enough over half of it has dissappeared over the course of a few months. Intensive patrols by our mutated hamster-teams have not been able to catch the perpetrator...

On an unrelated note, the barracks housing Rewan and Da Rat have exploded while maintenance was being carried out by our welder. Apperantly an explosive fume came into contact with the torch. No one was injured, but both agents were acting quite strangely for about a day after the incident. After bloodtests it has been confirmed that they had been intoxicated at the time. Base doctor Old Bear believes this to be caused by a natural phenomenon were the body produces these fluids on it's own.

[Elliot Carver]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWV7LWyTFQM

[D@V£]

How odd!

This "Ovrec" character seems to have removed the tag at the end of your post that would show Cervo editted it!
Truely he is a master of surprise, just like my old colleage Major Jump.



(Ok, I swear, no more name gags! )

[JdB]

How odd!

This "Ovrec" character seems to have removed the tag at the end of your post that would show Cervo editted it!
Truely he is a master of surprise, just like my old colleage Major Jump.

The Edited by message is no longer being displayed on these forums, while they were on the OFP.Info forums. This was done so that the admins could make members look bad before banning them without being noticed. Only Deadeye has proven to be so stupid as to log his evilness for all to see.

Also Ovrec has root-access to the database, and server that the forum is located on, he is by all means as close to God as you're ever going to get.

[DaRat]

This thread is pure gold

[Deadeye]

Great read while beeing drunk

This post has been edited by Deadeye: Aug 26 2007, 00:55

Reason for edit: is simple.... just to add the edit line ;)

[D@V£]

I just noticed, why have you posted:
"-This site will be going down as of August 24th 2007, and will be replaced by an Afro-Midget-Preteen multimedia spectacle."

On the 25th?


Also, why would Cervo put so much effort into masking his identity if he'd already stated it was him...

Unless it wasn't!

Truely this "Ovrec" is a master of cunnin'!

[Rewan]

-Rewan only got his privileges so we could keep track of him. Since this was no longer necessary after we had implanted a rectal mind-probe, he was removed from the "Site Team" group

The mind-probe has been overrun by the "thing" who come at rectal area ^^

I must admit that was pretty terrible and painful

-This site will be going down as of August 25th 2007, and will be replaced by an Afro-Midget-Preteen multimedia spectacle.

I thought it will be the 27th ? Well wince we're the 26th you're definitely wrong

[Blackscorpion]

-Microsoft is afraid of us, and has gone to the extreme step of blocking all .Info links in it's Connection Timeout-Messenger 13.0;

[--]

-Cervo served in the French Foreign Legion. His bad French is just an act, since Frenchmen cannot join the Legion;

A. MS did it to prevent spam.
B. No timeouts for me.
C. 'bout 35% of Legionnaires are French, not just due to serving more than 3 years in the Legion. Also, Legion CO's are almost exclusively of French origin.

Ummm... interesting post.

[JdB]

Note the "join", which does not imply "renewing ones contract". Also I think Monty Phython wrote a book called "How not to take a joke seriously", you should read it sometime

[D@V£]

I agree 100% with that statement. I mean, come on, vacuum airships?

I don't know how anyone could even attempt to take that seriously... I blame the parents!

[Wittmann]

I was only mentioned once. Obviously, fear of me is still slightly greater than fear of Cervo, however, that may be related to his national origin.

I wont ban John, only because it was rather funny. And because Im still waiting for Rewan to slip up...

[Rewan]

Why would I slip up ?