Stranger: hello
You: Do you like Coca-Cola?
Stranger: i prefer pepsi
You: Then we won't have sex...sorry...
Stranger: ok
You: Have a nice life...with...pepsi...pff
Stranger: do you like pigeons?
You: Only roasted !
Stranger: me too. the skin is glorious
You: yeah ...I usually catch em like this : http://englishrussia.com/?p=1596 <-- video
You: How about elephants?

Stranger: asl
You: 21, trans, Florida
Stranger: whats trans
You: transexual

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: BOOM
Stranger: FLOATIES
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Stranger: taggle
You: paggle
Stranger: maggle
You: waggle
Stranger: chris
You: miss
Stranger: swiss
You: this?
Stranger: pisse
You: wallet
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.
Four worms were placed into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol - Dead
The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead
Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead
Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation -
What did you learn from this demonstration???
Maxine, who was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said,

'As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!'

Thomas says (7:37 PM):
so who am I talking to?
2
two
too
to
?
?

Gar says (7:38 PM):
a binary loop

Thomas says (7:38 PM):
10101010000100101010000101010100101000?

Gar says (7:38 PM):
101010101010101010101010101
1010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101

Thomas says (7:38 PM):
101?
did that happen?
the 101?

Gar says (7:38 PM):
it happened cos otherwise it wouldnt happen
thats all folks

Gar says (7:40 PM):
who's porky?

Thomas says (7:40 PM):
you are Porky

Gar says (7:40 PM):
oink

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine..and those who don't.

As Ben Franklin said:
In wine there is wisdom,
in beer there is freedom,
in water there is bacteria.

In a number of carefully controlled trials,
scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli,
(E. coli) - bacteria found in feces.

In other words, we are consuming
1 kilo of poop.

However, we do NOT run that risk when
drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whisky or other liquor), because alcohol has to go through a purification
process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember:
Water = Poop, Wine = Health .

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid,
than to drink water and be full of sh*t.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information:
I'm doing it as a public service.

A cowboy:

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit,Gucci shoes , RayBan sunglassesand YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?"
Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers,"Sure, Why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo inAdobe Photoshop and exports it to animage processing facility in Hamburg , Germany
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database20 through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then the Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a Congressman for the U.S.Government", says Bud.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...this is a herd of sheep. ..
Now give me back my dog.

The Story of Adam & Eve's Pets
Adam and Eve said, 'Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us.'

And God said, I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves.'

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.
And it was a good animal
And God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.

And Adam said, 'Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.'

And God said, 'I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG.'

And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them.

And they were comforted

And God was pleased.

And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, 'Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well.'

And God said, I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration.'

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.

And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.

And Adam and Eve learned humility.

And they were greatly improved.

And God was pleased . .

And Dog was happy. . .

And Cat didn't give a sh*t one way or the other.

The quick dictionary below is aimed at contributing to cross-cultural understanding. It is intended to bridge the gap between nations and to be able one to understand the cultural subtleties of the Chinese language. This is a must if you in any way deal with the Chinese people or do business in China. The simple phrases below will help you communicate better with your Chinese hosts (or guests).

ENGLISH Way - CHINESE WAY
1) That's not right - Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive - Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP - Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man - Dum Fuk
5) Small horse - Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach? - Wai Yu So Tan?
7) I bumped in to a coffee table - Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift - Chin Tu Fat
9) Its very dark in here - Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet - Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone - No Pah King
12) Staying out of sight - Lei Ying Lo
13) He's cleaning his automobile - Wa Shing Ka
14) Your body odor is offensive - Yu Stin Ki Pu
15) Great - Fa Kin Su Pah

1. There are more than two hundred different kinds of Viktor Troska!
2. In Japan it is considered rude to talk with Viktor Troska in your mouth.
3. Viktor Troska is the only bird that can swim but not fly.
4. Banging your head against Viktor Troska uses 150 calories an hour.
5. Viktor Troska has enough fat to produce 32 bars of soap.
6. The eye of an ostrich is bigger than Viktor Troska.
7. A cluster of bananas is called a hand and consists of 10 to 20 bananas, which are individually known as Viktor Troska.
8. Viktor Troska is the smallest of Jupiter's many moons.
9. Devoid of his cells and proteins, Viktor Troska has the same chemical makeup as sea water!
10. The moon is 400 times closer to the Earth than Viktor Troska, and 400 times smaller!

Dave says (16:29):
Is exceeding 20 units of alchahol dangerous? :\
I don't think it is.
Marksays (16:33):
Yes.
To a human.
Dave says (16:34):
Oh. Fair enough then.
Must have been eating the bottle labels that made me sick then
Marksays (16:33):
D:
Dave says (16:34):
Don't judge me :@
Marksays (16:33):
D:
Dave says (16:38):
That's going in the thread, isn't it?

An Irish priest is driving down to New York
and gets stopped for speeding.
The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath
and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest.
The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says,
"Good Lord! He's done it again!"

Blackscorpy (20:00): Might just buy that M14 for 250
Mark (20:00): DO HER!
Mark (20:00): I mean DO IT
Blackscorpy (20:01):

Mark (20:01): the latter wasnt a sexual reffernce
Blackscorpy (20:02): Sorry dude...
Mark (20:02): :\