Becoming an Evil Overlord, The Game |
Becoming an Evil Overlord, The Game |
Nov 12 2008, 15:30
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#1
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Hipster addonmaker Group: Former .info Serviceman Posts: 2,090 Joined: 1-November 06 From: Kingdom of the Netherlands Member No.: 10 |
I came across this list a while ago, and thought it would make a perfect game for the
Anyone caught using ones off of other websites (dunno if there are any, but would be easy to check) will be appointed Court Jester for all eternity. If no one is appointed before we reach 100, D@V£ will automatically receive this honorary title. ---------------------------------------------------------------- IF I EVER BECOME AN EVIL OVERLORD: 1 My legions of terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones. 2 My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through. 3 My noble half-brother who throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon. 4 Shooting is not too good for my enemies. 5 The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. 6 I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them. 7 When the rebel leader challenges me to fight one-to-one and asks, "Or are you afraid without your armies to back you up?" My reply will be, "No, just sensible." 8 When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. 9 After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out. 10 I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large button labeled "Danger: Do Not Push". 11 I will not order my trusted lieutenant to kill the infant who is destined to overthrow me -- I'll do it myself. 12 I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well. 13 I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat. 14 I will not waste time making my enemies death look like an accident: I'm not accountable to anyone and my other enemies wouldn't believe it. 15 I will make it clear that I do know the meaning of the word "mercy"; I simply choose to show none. 16 One of my advisers will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation. 17 All slain enemies will be cremated, not left for dead at the bottom of a cliff. The announcement of their death, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal. 18 My undercover agents will not have tattoos identifying them as members of my organization, nor will they be required to wear military boots or adhere to any other dress codes. 19 The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request. 20 I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan in operation. 21 I will design all doomsday machines myself. If I must hire a mad scientist to assist me, I will make sure that he is sufficiently twisted to never regret his evil ways and seek to undo the damage he has caused. 22 I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you there's just one thing I want to know." 23 When I employ people as advisers, I will occasionally listen to their advice. ### 24 After the men, I will kill all women and children without prejudice as well. Nothing sucks more than getting a knife thrust into the back from some widow I had dragged into my chambers the night before. 25 Rather than waiting for the inevitable ambush whilst pursuing the hero into a dark forest with only a handful of men, I will burn down the forest and then have my army search every inch of it for survivors, who will be mercilessly slain right away. 26 Prioritizing the distribution of food to soldiers rather than weak civilians makes sense. The soldiers will be happy with their lives, and won't even consider overthrowing me, and the civilians will be too malnourished to even undertake a half decent rebellion. This post has been edited by JdB: Nov 12 2008, 15:31 -------------------- |
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Nov 12 2008, 16:16
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#2
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Gentleman Usher of the Coffee Stain Group: Site Team Posts: 677 Joined: 5-November 06 From: C18.3#C77.2#G63.1 Member No.: 19 |
Why am I not surprised.
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Nov 12 2008, 16:29
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#3
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ArmA.info Sarcasm Society's Slightly Mad Scotsman Group: Former .info Serviceman Posts: 718 Joined: 28-September 07 From: Glasgow, UK Member No.: 1,331 |
27: Rather than waste man power, food and money on large prisons I will simply execute those I capture.
28. I will not leave one alive to spread tales of my evil, he will be executed so that I do not draw unecessary attention. -------------------- Never before in the history of man, was so much buggered up by so few.
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Nov 12 2008, 19:43
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#4
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ArmA.info Sarcasm Society's Gentleman Usher of the Banstick Group: Former .info Serviceman Posts: 1,781 Joined: 1-November 06 From: Old-Europe Member No.: 11 |
29 ..I'd ban gangsta rap !
That's the only one I can think of atm...fuck I'm too nice -------------------- |
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Nov 12 2008, 21:37
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#5
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Gee, I wish we had one of them doomsday machines. Group: Moderators Posts: 2,037 Joined: 13-November 06 From: Wales Member No.: 155 |
30. I will never hire Rube Goldberg to design my deathtraps.
31. I will wear a hat. Not a hat that's secretly a bomb, or some sort of crown or any crap like that. Just a plain Fedora. (This might seem a bit odd at first, but think about it, which of the bond villains has ever worn a hat? What mega-villian has ever worn just a plain hat? There's got to be a connection here. Odd Job takes his hat off to fight, so he doesn't count ) 32. I will not base my operation in any of the following locations: A Volcano, underwater, space, the Antarctic, a castle, anything that's easily exploded, anywhere with uninhabitable external conditions or anywhere generally stupid. A locked caretakers cupboard will do just fine 33. Nuclear weapons! NUCLEAR WEAPONS! NUCLEAR WEAPONS! NUCLEAR WEAPONS! Who really needs anything else... 34. I will position cardboard cutouts of myself behind every door. Just to ensure jumpy would be hero's waste ammo. 35. I will carry a 4x2 with a nail stuck through it at all times. -------------------- The Rules - Nothing too complicated, follow these and we'll have no problems.
Moderation Feedback Thread - Tell everyone how much you Site Issues Thread - Complain about site issues here. We might even fix them! Community Chatter Thread - Furthest Mud-sling gets a free subscription to "JdB Monthly". QUOTE(Major Mike Shearer) We can categorically state that we have not released man-eating badgers into the area. QUOTE(Brace Belden) A machine gun is like a woman, I don’t understand it, I’m afraid of it, and one day I’ll accidentally be killed by one. |
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Nov 13 2008, 04:05
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#6
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ArmA.info Sarcasm Society's Slightly Mad Scotsman Group: Former .info Serviceman Posts: 718 Joined: 28-September 07 From: Glasgow, UK Member No.: 1,331 |
Odd Job takes his hat off to fight, so he doesn't count Is odd job not a minion? I tend to go with villains being the head honchos of the operations. -------------------- Never before in the history of man, was so much buggered up by so few.
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Nov 13 2008, 09:58
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#7
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Gee, I wish we had one of them doomsday machines. Group: Moderators Posts: 2,037 Joined: 13-November 06 From: Wales Member No.: 155 |
Is odd job not a minion? I tend to go with villains being the head honchos of the operations. To be fair, I'd guess he's a trusted lieutenant... but that statement was aimed more at bad guys in general than just overlords.... 36. I will invest in at least one security camera. I mean, you'd think if you had a huge underground base and an entire private army you'd have some sort of surveillance system, even if it was to find out who stole all the digestives from the break room... but I've yet to see a spy movie where the villain has any camera's at all... -------------------- The Rules - Nothing too complicated, follow these and we'll have no problems.
Moderation Feedback Thread - Tell everyone how much you Site Issues Thread - Complain about site issues here. We might even fix them! Community Chatter Thread - Furthest Mud-sling gets a free subscription to "JdB Monthly". QUOTE(Major Mike Shearer) We can categorically state that we have not released man-eating badgers into the area. QUOTE(Brace Belden) A machine gun is like a woman, I don’t understand it, I’m afraid of it, and one day I’ll accidentally be killed by one. |
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Nov 18 2008, 00:37
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#8
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ARCP Winner 2007 Group: Members Posts: 263 Joined: 12-November 06 From: Lake District, England Member No.: 100 |
Slight Quantam of Solace spoiler:
QUOTE 32. I will not base my operation in any of the following locations: A Volcano, underwater, space, the Antarctic, a castle, anything that's easily exploded, anywhere with uninhabitable external conditions or anywhere generally stupid Watched the film, immediately thought of this. I mean come on. A secret lair filled with fuel cells? Even the General Villain quips that it sounds unstable! When will they learn... This post has been edited by Daniel: Nov 18 2008, 00:39 -------------------- OFP/Arma addict turned forum lurker.
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Nov 18 2008, 02:17
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#9
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ArmA.info Sarcasm Society's Slightly Mad Scotsman Group: Former .info Serviceman Posts: 718 Joined: 28-September 07 From: Glasgow, UK Member No.: 1,331 |
He jynxed it when he said that to be perfectly honest.
and on that note: 37: I will never, even accidentally allude to potential hazards to my plan. -------------------- Never before in the history of man, was so much buggered up by so few.
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Nov 18 2008, 09:31
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#10
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Gee, I wish we had one of them doomsday machines. Group: Moderators Posts: 2,037 Joined: 13-November 06 From: Wales Member No.: 155 |
38. I will occasionally allude to false hazards in my plan!
(such as, my new super-minions only weakness is being given a gun by any would-be hero, or randomly stating out loud that my toxic waste pipes are actually full of wine gums) -------------------- The Rules - Nothing too complicated, follow these and we'll have no problems.
Moderation Feedback Thread - Tell everyone how much you Site Issues Thread - Complain about site issues here. We might even fix them! Community Chatter Thread - Furthest Mud-sling gets a free subscription to "JdB Monthly". QUOTE(Major Mike Shearer) We can categorically state that we have not released man-eating badgers into the area. QUOTE(Brace Belden) A machine gun is like a woman, I don’t understand it, I’m afraid of it, and one day I’ll accidentally be killed by one. |
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Nov 18 2008, 17:41
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#11
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Hipster addonmaker Group: Former .info Serviceman Posts: 2,090 Joined: 1-November 06 From: Kingdom of the Netherlands Member No.: 10 |
39. I shall not leave the garbage disposal shaft, which conveniently leads to the center of my base of operations, guarded by the single most incompetent soldier in my army.
40. I shall have every soldier in my army graded monthly, those that do not pass with a 7/10 or higher will be shot. I will personally oversee the overseers. Those with a grade below 8/10 will be shot as well. 41. I shall have a grinder installed in this disposal shaft that grinds everything over a centimeter in size down to a molecular level, and have the on/off switch in my own office. Also to completely block this unavoidable point of entry, I shall make the shaft a one-way street, with the correct signs at each end. -------------------- |
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Nov 18 2008, 18:03
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#12
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ArmA.info Sarcasm Society's Slightly Mad Scotsman Group: Former .info Serviceman Posts: 718 Joined: 28-September 07 From: Glasgow, UK Member No.: 1,331 |
All you need to make it complete is a parking warden or two so that those who do try to go down said chute cannot stop without getting fined for it at least
-------------------- Never before in the history of man, was so much buggered up by so few.
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Nov 18 2008, 20:01
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#13
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Gee, I wish we had one of them doomsday machines. Group: Moderators Posts: 2,037 Joined: 13-November 06 From: Wales Member No.: 155 |
Personally, I'd just use an incinerator for garbage disposal...
-------------------- The Rules - Nothing too complicated, follow these and we'll have no problems.
Moderation Feedback Thread - Tell everyone how much you Site Issues Thread - Complain about site issues here. We might even fix them! Community Chatter Thread - Furthest Mud-sling gets a free subscription to "JdB Monthly". QUOTE(Major Mike Shearer) We can categorically state that we have not released man-eating badgers into the area. QUOTE(Brace Belden) A machine gun is like a woman, I don’t understand it, I’m afraid of it, and one day I’ll accidentally be killed by one. |
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Nov 22 2008, 14:40
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#14
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Hipster addonmaker Group: Former .info Serviceman Posts: 2,090 Joined: 1-November 06 From: Kingdom of the Netherlands Member No.: 10 |
42. I will invest heavily into new-media, because quite frankly if the internet can make a murderous terrorist like Che Guevara, or a time and time again proven totally disastrous system like communism popular, than it will certainly boost the support for my regime of doubtful legitimacy to new heights.
43. Questioning and doubting the government will be outlawed, instead a FAQ will be created on my website, to which the last question will read "Q. What if my question isn't listed here?" the answer being "A. You will be shot along with the rest of your family." 44. I shall outlaw all other political parties, since debating only takes up valuable time that could have been used better, and I am a firm believer in monologues towards my opponents, such as firing squads. -------------------- |
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Nov 23 2008, 09:11
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#15
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Member Group: Members Posts: 38 Joined: 16-June 07 From: United States of Amarica Member No.: 897 |
45. I will not piss off the superpowers, but attack the small nations that have oil. then sell the oil to the superpowers.
46. I will not form a cult around my self. ( the hero is always help by someone in deep, that is loyal to the old religion) 47. If i have to flee my HQ it will not be in a vehicle that says "hay look over here is the Evil Overlord" a simple box car on a cargo train will work. 48. all ventilation grates will be properly fastened with tamper proof screws. 49. I will say away form drugs. (Hitler did speed, lots and lots of speed, that did not turn out so well) This post has been edited by Gunslinger: Nov 23 2008, 09:12 -------------------- ייתכן אלוהים ירחם על אויבי כי אני בטוח לא יהיה כמו גיהנום |
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